Margaret Reveira's Blog

Almost forty two years ago, at the age of 30, I was blissfully ignorant regarding my abject sinfulness. At the time…November 1983…I was an active member of my parish where I sang in the choir…briefly…edited the newsletter, and routinely distributed Communion as a Eucharistic Minister. I had also entangled myself with two unattainable men, one of whom was a married but separated colleague. Yes I had previously vowed that I would refrain from sexual involvement with any man other than my husband, yet surely God understood…did he not? And so, with minimal conviction, I eagerly obtained and filled my prescription for the birth control pill.

By the end of February 1984, life, as I knew it, came crashing down along with my self-induced fantasies. Following a weekend away, my colleague, in that prior month, decided that we were no longer compatible. Disappointment reigned but I consoled myself with the fact that I would soon be on a two-week sojourn, with my other love. Though the trip did take place, things failed to transpire as I had so fervently hoped and essentially I was informed that while he had little objection to a sexual liaison, a permanent commitment would never occur.

Upon my return to what I hoped would be normalcy, my coworker Laura sensed my profound grief which I attempted to mask under the guise of busyness. She began to speak about the Lord in a manner which was previously unknown to me. Her God was not at all remote but rather a personal Savior who desired the best for His children. However, given her disdain for Catholicism, I was repeatedly reminded that such benefits were contingent only upon my departure from the Church and entry into an evangelical fellowship. My resolve at the moment was firm…that would not occur. Yet ultimately I agreed to visit her congregation and a date was set for June 3, 1984.

Sheepgate Assembly, a small suburban-type facade, was located in Baldwin, New York. Though I arrived early, ultimately Laura appeared with her family and introduced me to others. The congregants seemed pleasant enough and one woman, in particular, made it her mission to point out the single men. The service was somewhat raucous which I had already anticipated. Even with that foreknowledge, I was distinctly ill at ease. Still, to his credit, the pastor was incredibly kind and when I went up for prayer, he comforted me with words that I knew were from God.

Despite my overall discomfort, I visited Sheepgate on a number of subsequent occasions, coupled with other fellowships. To Laura’s consternation, my fondness for her church, or anything similar, did not intensify. I was aware of my need for Scriptural maturity but I was unable to acclimate myself to the blaring environment and unwritten rule book within those various congregations. In essence I was not, nor would I ever be a fundamentalist. Still, the hint was profound from the saints of God that my refusal to scream the Name of the Lord at the top of my proverbial lungs, was indicative of the fact that I did not love Him. That was very much untrue. It was also implied that I would profit from a spiritual overhaul, so to speak, as my ways were displeasing to Him. Of course I was aware that sexual immorality was offensive to the Savior as well as profane language coupled with other Biblical transgressions. However, could I not understand that my civic community involvement was a destructive, ruinous venture in my pursuit of the Lord? Did I refuse to acknowledge the fact that newspapers were a demonic vessel? Why indeed would I give chase to a worldly concept of current affairs when instead I could focus on Scripture? Leisure time that was not spent in the study of God’s Word, was considered wasteful.

Dancing fell within the prohibited category as did movies, sporting events, all secular music…including my beloved classical…and television except of course for Gospel programs. Anything else was blasphemous. Of course each facet of alcohol was also on the list of banned items and it was somewhat common to hear the proclamation “Lips that touch liquor shall never touch mine.” When I mentioned that Jesus, at the wedding of Cana, had turned water into wine, the faithful insisted that the substance was actually not an inebriant but rather an innocuous juice. There was no reply when I queried as to why the various Biblical translations failed to specify that detail.

Though I was fully cognizant of the fact that marriage is a gift from the Lord, the prospect of holy wedlock to an alleged Godly man, became cause for trepidation. It was easy to discern that many of the husbands were allergic to paid labor as they were amongst the mass of evangelical men who spurned gainful jobs in favor of a hoped for role within the Kingdom. Indeed a significant number of male congregants fell within that bracket as they eagerly aspired to the coveted position of pastor, minister, elder, deacon, prophet or apostle. The wives were rendered mute as they generally operated in a robotic manner. This was in response to the repeated reminders that their primal duty was to essentially remain silent…period…irregardless of dastardly decisions made by their husbands. Stylish hair grooming for them was eschewed along with fashionable clothing, cosmetics, and jewelry perhaps with the exception of a wedding band or watch. These same women were expected to maintain the home, care for the children and, if necessitated, sustain the household with full time employment. Actual careers, however, were discouraged and personal aspirations were forbidden since it was repeatedly emphasized that the only viable objective of a married female was to please and submit to the master of the house. Spousal obedience was a mandate with no exceptions allowed.

Routine dialogue was an impossibility with these individuals as most responses to a simple greeting included a Bible verse along with, on many occasions, a fervent “Thus sayeth the Lord of Hosts!” The singular use of one’s first name was frowned upon as unwelcome familiarity. The men, if their desired title had yet to been attained, were to be addressed as “Brother” while the reference to women, at all times, was “Sister.” And my intense curiosity prompted me to query…was Scripture quoted during conjugal moments? Laura insisted not but I had my doubts.

The lack of joyful spontaneity amongst the brethren was further evidenced by a conglomerate of bleak couples at a 1986 Fourth of July gathering hosted by Laura. The conversation was tedious and it appeared that, by prior arrangement, nothing else was to be discussed except Biblical matters. One dowdy wife, in particular, loudly proclaimed that while she had desperately wanted to remain single, her husband was relentless in his pursuit. Amidst shouts of “Praise the Lord!!” I sat in silence as I pondered what on earth had he seen in her to warrant such a chase.

In the matter of giving, Malachi 3:10 directs the believer to tithe and in alignment with that Scripture, I am a firm believer that one, to the best of their ability, should comply. With that being said, the passage was oftentimes exploited as the offering segment was and continues to be a taxing challenge in differing evangelical services and conferences. This particularly pertains to those in legitimate financial straits, as the consistent message has always remained that one should yield their all under the banner of “seed time and harvest” or “hundred fold return.” Televangelists, in particular, have had a tendency to urge viewers to hand over every cent imaginable…and in essence empty out their bank accounts…as God, per their corrupt theology, would refuse to act on a person’s behalf without money. The depravity has continued despite the scandals which have evolved regarding their opulent lifestyles and abuse of funds. Sadly many individuals have continued to fall prey to this deception since, in the midst of the orchestrated theatrics, emotions are provoked which cause them to comply with the diabolical deception.

Here in New York City, there are innumerable nondenominational churches with multiple midweek services, all of which the members, including children, are required to attend. Order was rarely prioritized and if a preacher opted to speak until past the midnight hour, with nil regard for work or school commitments, one was called out if they dared to escape. The sermons which emitted from the various pulpits, were typically accompanied by piercing screams. Indeed, it seemed improbable to hope that any such cleric would venture to speak in a normal, conversational tone. It was also not uncommon to witness a person suddenly bolt from their seat and run about the sanctuary in a frenzy. What they referred to as a move by the Holy Spirit, was oftentimes none other than actions prompted by their own mindset. This unholy chaos included those who visualized themselves as prophets ordained by the Lord, yet frequently their words had not derived from Him. In some assemblies, there were prophecy lines which were formed by rank of one’s offering. Those who were unable to contribute, were either not recognized or relegated to the end of the queue. I was so not accustomed to any of this and the sanctified saints habitually shook their respective heads in dismay when I described myself as a quiet Catholic. In their mindset, Catholicism was a demonic religion which was devoid of morality in all aspects. They were right, I was wrong and it was emphasized that no sincere follower of Christ would be affiliated with such a diabolical group.

It was also during this time that the majority of evangelical messages began to stress the imminent return of Jesus Christ. As a then-single woman, I was repeatedly told that my desire to be wed was frivolous as the Savior was soon expected to make His appearance. Although Matthew 24:36 succinctly states that no man knows the day or hour, timetables were formulated and one Christian radio commentator insisted that the occurrence would take place in mid-September 1994. I was petrified as well as dismayed as I knew that I had squandered my prime marriageable years. In a temporary endeavor to allay my fears, I ceased all attendance at the nondenominational churches as I instead limited myself to my parish where I remained active and therefore was not subjected to end-time prophecies. However, for a bevy of reasons, I left there in February 1995.

I remained home for six months and eventually I began to attend a Christian fellowship in Rockland County followed by one in Edison, New Jersey. My Biblical knowledge increased and I reasoned that I would remain there despite the hour long drive from Queens. Nevertheless the Lord intervened and I joined a growing congregation in Brooklyn. The messages, though based on the Word, pertained to everyday life. The pastor spoke in a conversational tone…finally!…and there were no references to Armageddon. This was the late 1990’s and already reports had filtered about how some Christians were mandated by their leaders to abandon homes and jobs in preparation for the Lord’s return on the now slated date of January 1, 2000. Although one of the security guards had generators for sale…in the event that power were to cease at the stroke of midnight…there was no mention of such from the pulpit. For once, I was at ease. The histrionics in this assembly were minimal and the rule book, except for Scriptural standards, had been discarded.

While I was no longer exposed to the fundamentalist rigidity, still there were times that I felt a sense of remorse regarding my departure from the Church. Sadly, I attempted to conceal that with the falsified superiority mindset that Catholics were ignorant of all Scriptural matters. There was one occasion in the summer of 2005, when I attended a conference in a midtown Manhattan venue that hosted a popular female televangelist. As I seated myself, I began a conversation with a woman at the next table. We spoke for a few moments and when I asked her what fellowship she attended, she mentioned her parish as she stated “I’m Catholic.” Regrettably, I gave her a condescending smile as I turned my attention elsewhere. Had God told me at that moment that I would ultimately return to His Church, I would have rebuked the devil with the declaration that such an occurrence would not transpire. Nevertheless it did and by September 2011, I could no longer ignore His voice. After a 16 year absence I was home and with fervor, I readily identified as Catholic versus an ambiguous “well I’m a Christian…I’m nondenominational…etc.” My days as a reluctant evangelical had concluded and I joyfully embraced the faith which I had once so carelessly discarded.

When one opts to familiarize themselves with the Word, it is mostly expected that they will seek to gain cognizance of that which is pleasing as well as offensive to the Lord. However, in many instances, such a realization has failed to transpire and once again, a Facebook comment has pushed me into redundancy as I write yet another article regarding the decision of the Kingdom to abdicate Godliness in so many aspects including the selection of those who govern. Indeed, I find it difficult to fathom how one, who purports to be a believer, can enter the voting booth and willfully advocate for the decimation of Biblical standards.

The ability to vote is not just a civic duty as some in the church have implied, but rather an ordinance from the Savior to select candidates who will uphold His teachings. I have asked this previously and at the risk of repetition, I will query as to how those, who insist that they have an affiliation with the King, can endorse all that’s abominable to Him.

During my initial exposure to nondenominational churches 41 years ago, and then long thereafter, the prominent declaration was that the individuals within the various pulpits and pews, possessed a preeminence of Biblical as well as spiritual superiority over others, particularly Catholics. Mistakes were rarely made and their judgment was not to be questioned.

When the Lord directed me back to Catholicism in September 2011, my Sunday routine was adjusted to include Mass followed by service at an evangelical congregation as I enjoyed the teachings coupled with the presentation of the Word. However, this month of March 2025, makes exactly five years since I participated in the latter event . The pandemic occurred and when the varied sanctuaries began to reopen months later, I found it difficult to return. By then, the dynamics of the 2020 election were on full display. Admittedly I was appalled when in the preceding days, and in the aftermath of the inauguration, the people of faith whom I had once respected, expressed their exuberance over the now prior administration, despite their deliberate annihilation of Biblical principles. It was then that I lost all regard for those who, on any given day, would scream the Name of the Lord at the top of their proverbial lungs and consistently quote Scripture yet willfully abandoned all Godly doctrine in the selection of candidates. Although many Catholics are not absolved from this travesty, I have oftentimes stated that I prefer the sanctity of Mass versus what appears to be a hypocritical hootenanny.

Realistically the climate within the majority of apostolic sodalities has not changed in any aspect. One such illustration is that a few weeks ago, I tuned into a YouTube channel which televised a Sunday service from a local Christian assembly. The praise and worship segment was uplifting but during the invocation, the leader mentioned President Trump and added “while many of us did not vote for him….” Immediately my interest waned and I turned it off. That is just one of many examples and again I am compelled to query as to how these alleged pious, sanctified congregants can deliberately disregard the Word to affirm individuals who have consistently persevered in all that is loathsome to the Savior.

I have repeatedly stressed that this is not a matter of differing political parties…Republicans versus Democrats…but rather a decision to either uphold the Word of God, or advocate for that which is damnable before the Savior. Can we truly expect to effectively witness the Lord’s righteousness as we continually mock Him with our candidate choices? When a contender for political office succinctly states that their agenda includes, merely in part, feticide up to and including the point of birth, why would a so stated Christian justify an endorsement of such debauchery? Prior to Election Day 2024, many alleged believers posted “I’m with her” as a testament to their endorsement of Kamala Harris and her running mate Tim Walz…a nefarious duo who, by their outspoken plan, were determined to maintain various depravities. Yet many of the same individuals who supported them, will lift up hands to worship the Savior whom, indisputably, they do not know.. It’s obvious that their outward gestures of holiness are superficial at best and their Biblical literacy has been confined to verses which primarily advance their own personal prosperity. In essence, they have opted to deliberately malign Scripture to justify their affirmation of the abominable. How often have I heard through the years “Oh I’m born again and spirit filled…alleluia!” yet the same individuals readily champion for the profane. To say that I have lost respect for them, is an understatement at best. It’s factual that so many within the Kingdom have abandoned their Godly credibility and I find it impossible to heed such a person who proclaims the Bible yet aligns themselves with the abhorrent.

My stand for the Lord will never waver and at this juncture, I actually consider it a privilege whenever the counterfeit believer has opted to terminate our friendship over my political stance as it aligns with the Savior. In a raucous exchange, one such individual, when questioned about abortion, replied that it was not her responsibility to legislate immorality. Others, who appear in a frenzy during evangelical services, have, with candor, repeatedly insisted that abortion is “not the only sin” and women should have the right to decide to slaughter their unborn child. Statements such as this are evident that their heightened mannerisms during liturgy can be equated to theatrics as their familiarity with the Lord, is in fact nominal.

Ultimately, each one of us will have to stand before the Lord and give an account of every facet of our lives. Exactly, how can the believer justify their endorsement of evil? Will we give a recitation of our church activities in the hope that our monologue will somehow minimize our neglect regarding adherence to His Word? By doing so, we run the risk of hearing those dreaded words “get away from Me…I never knew you” (Matthew 7:23), and with that, a foray into eternal damnation.

Jeremiah 4:22 “My people are fools. They do not know Me. They are senseless children without understanding. They are wise at evil but do not know how to do good.” (New American Bible).

With that said, and to no one’s surprise, Kamala Harris secured the Democratic nomination for president of the United States. In a manner akin to Joe Biden, she and her running mate Tim Walz, have vowed to perpetuate all that’s abominable to the Lord consisting in part of the slaughter of the unborn up to and including the point of birth. In an undertaking to emphasize this commitment to evil, Planned Parenthood, during that particular convention, set up a mobile clinic in the immediate vicinity where abortions were offered. Oprah…regarded as a spiritual guru by many in the church despite her profession of false theology….was one of the speakers as she declared that “Without abortion, there is no American dream.” And, as Governor of Minnesota, Walz signed a bill into law which stated that a doctor who presided over an abortion, was under no obligation to provide lifesaving care to the baby that survived. Yet despite the overall demonic agenda of the party as well as the nominees, those in the pulpits and pews have embraced Harris’ candidacy with joyous fervor. Memes of “I’m with her” have infiltrated all aspects of social media and church members have clamored to join “Evangelicals For Harris.” Racial and gender recognition, coupled with cultural identification, have clearly taken precedence over the Word of God.

The upcoming election has evolved into a choice of good versus evil. Moreover, the moral fibre of our country has deteriorated yet few within the Kingdom have sounded the alarm. Although Harris and Walz are outward with the presentation of nefarious plans, those particular devotees who purport an affiliation with Jesus Christ, readily justify their overwhelming support of these odious individuals. In essence, they that do so are counterfeit believers who have rendered absolute harm based on their refusal to uphold God’s Word. While clerics in all denominations and categories have an obligation to speak out against godless atrocities, the majority have opted for silence either because they actually concur with that which serves to eradicate Biblical teachings or they’re fearful that a truthful analysis would result in a loss of their domain. Instead, their calculated decision to preach cloying messages, has yielded a conglomeration of congregants who feel no need to adhere to doctrinal principles in the selection of a presidential candidate. Scriptural integrity has been deliberately ignored as the pulpits have instead directed the masses to prioritize the Word for personal and societal gain. They have literally tripped over themselves to advocate their endorsement of wickedness and the examples of this travesty abound. A female pastor assured her congregation that the presence of the Lord was with her during two abortions. Another cleric, who incredulously depicted himself as Prolife, uttered the moronic rot that Harris has a “pro-family platform” while a televangelist urged his congregation”this is historic…we can’t go backwards.”

Psalm 7:9 “Oh let the evil of the wicked come to an end but establish the righteous, you who try the minds and hearts, O righteous God.” (Ignatius Study Bible).

How can a Christian in any capacity, advocate for that which is an atrocity to the Savior? In reality, their hyped up histrionics in church equate to an infidel performance as their actual indifference to Godliness has made it quite simple to decipher that their relationship with the Lord is essentially superficial. Anyone who can express exuberance over a candidate with a Mephistophelian agenda, is clearly unfamiliar with the Savior. There’s no urgency re the state of affairs as long as their own needs are fulfilled. It’s a blasé attitude and glaring disregard of personal culpability regarding that which is offensive to the Lord.

Am I repetitive? Indeed I am but I am wholly grieved to see individuals, allegedly under the influence of the Holy Spirit, state, without reservation, that every woman should be allowed to govern her own body even if her choice includes the willful termination of her fetus. That is blatant blasphemy and it’s evident that they have yielded to the domination of that which is demonic.

Catholics are often accused of Scriptural illiteracy and yes many bear the guilt of such coupled with the continuation of evil within our political system. Catholics For Harris is but one horrific example. However I have come to determine that a significant number of individuals within the Bible based churches, who attest to alleged spiritual superiority, are wholly ignorant of that which they profess and they will deliberately mangle the Word of God to justify their endorsement of the profane. I am beyond battle weary of the emotional proclamation “oh I’m born again and spirit filled…hallelujah!” and still, without compulsion, they are utterly giddy with the persons who promise to annihilate that which is sacred before the Savior. In reality, these deceived individuals can no longer be trusted to stand for morality and their ineffectual leaders are also at fault as they purposely refuse to uphold righteousness. How can the unbeliever seek spiritual guidance from those who deliver messages that placate only the soul but neglect that which is holy? There’s a complete disregard as well as apathy towards all that is Godly. Their presence in church is of no merit as these same hypocrites will profess their love for the Lord on Sunday and yet vote to slaughter the unborn, along with other depravities, on Tuesday. I addressed this issue during an online evangelical prayer meeting that I was asked to participate in, two years prior to the 2020 election. There was nil enthusiasm in response to my proclamation and no further invitations were forthcoming.

Those in the pulpit – including Catholic- why have you opted to deliberately evade the truth? Irregardless of the title that you hold, your own eternal salvation is at stake as you have decimated the Bible in order to keep those within your parameters satisfied. Godly righteousness and the tenets of Scripture were deliberately evicted from your assembly in a prudent endeavor to enhance your prestige. You are so bedazzled over the fact that you are recognized by the prominent and because of your renown, you are invited to events where lesser citizens are excluded. It does not behoove you to share the truth of the Gospel at these functions for fear of offense and possible expulsion. Then, in your profound gratitude at their recognition, you enable the same persons of eminence to occupy your podium and spout their diabolical verbiage which is in direct opposition to the Lord. And, because your congregation has been lulled into a godless level of piety, they concur with the demonic dreck. It’s a matter of the blind leading the blind after which both will fall into a ditch (Matthew 15:14). (New American Bible).

For the individuals that identify as Christian…do you truly believe that because you belong to a certain religion or assembly, that the Lord has chosen to ignore your decision for the continuation of depravity? You love to profess the Word for that which is sacred to you…new house…new car…etc…but your actual concept of the Savior is nonexistent. As depicted in 2 Timothy 3:5 (Douay Rheims Bible), you exemplify “having an appearance of Godliness but denying the power thereof” and realistically, you have no sense of accountability to the Lord in any aspect. Although Jesus commanded us to go into the world and preach the gospel, how effective can you be when you endorse all that’s abominable to Him? Have you grasped onto the misguided belief that there will be no repercussions for your deliberate resolution to uphold evil? Your state of delusion is further heightened if you expect to stand before God and hear the words recorded in Matthew 25:23 “Well done my good and faithful servant….” (New American Bible).

When will we return to Scriptural principles? At what point will we acknowledge the fact that abortion is homicide and that the mutilation of minors, particularly in the absence of parental consent, is an evil abomination? He created us in our mother’s womb yet many within the church have no issue with their declaration to the Lord that the slaughter of the unborn is a personal choice and/or that He made a grave mistake with one’s assigned sexual identity. Nary an outcry from the pews is heard when Planned Parenthood conducts workshops for students on these issues or when teachers endeavor to indoctrinate children to accept the opposite gender versus that which was bestowed upon them by the Creator. Coupled with these atrocities, our border is in chaos as the current administration has opted to ignore the fact that their open door policy has enabled myriads of murderers, terrorists, pedophiles and other persons prone to crime, to enter the United States without restriction. Harris, per her own words, has vowed that not only will she refuse to discontinue illegal immigration but will in fact grant citizenship status to each unlawful migrant.

Not everyone within the Body of Christ has abandoned the spectrum of morality but the number of those who have actually rendered a Godly analysis, has significantly decreased. That the Kingdom has embraced a perilous mindset, is an understatement and the Christians who have refused to repent for their perpetuation of the demonic agenda during their time on earth, will ultimately be required to answer to God for their slothfulness. As exemplified in Matthew 7:21-23, Jesus specifically stated “Not everyone who says to Me ‘Lord, Lord’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven. Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your Name? Did we not drive out demons in Your Name? Did we not do mighty deeds in Your Name?’ Then I will declare to them solemnly “I never knew you. Depart from Me, you evildoers” (New American Bible). Indeed the words of the Savior are absolute and eternity with Him is not an iron clad assurance particularly for the peripheral Christian.

One particular political party has sought to advance an evil agenda during the upcoming election, yet few in the Kingdom have sounded the alarm.
— Read on www.catholic365.com/article/43580/an-open-letter-to-the-kingdom.html

An Apathetic Church

We have fervently embraced the era of spiritual apathy and certain issues have factored into its existence. This lethal attitude of detachment is prevalent not only in Catholicism but in all Protestant creeds as well as nondenominational, Pentecostal and evangelical fellowships.

On most Sundays, millions of individuals flock to church. Many are present as a sincere demonstration of their love towards God as well as obedience to Hebrews 10:25 which states in part that “we should not stay away from our assembly as is the custom of some.” Others are in attendance merely to fulfill an obligation. There is no reverence for the Lord nor an interest in the service but rather an utter desperation for it to conclude in order that planned activities for the day can be fulfilled.

Despite the convergence of Bible-based media to assist us in our pursual of Him, we have a influx of lukewarm congregants within the pews who are defiantly ignorant of most matters as they pertain to God. Catholics, overall, tend to rebuke churches apart from their own which prioritize a personal relationship with the Savior. This is due to their insistence that such an emphasis is unnecessary particularly if a person was baptized and is in compliance with the necessary doctrines. But of what benefit is adherence to every edict if one does not know Him? Our robotic presence can be assured of at each Mass, or devotion and the multiple recitation of the rosary is incorporated within our daily routine yet we live our lives as if the Lord does not exist. Individuals outside of Catholicism, who typically refer to us as heretics, along with other derogatory adjectives, pride themselves over their alleged Biblical superiority coupled with consistent attendance at every service offered at their various fellowships. Still, they opt to ignore the Lord’s directives, particularly if it stands to interfere with a personal choice that is clearly an abomination in His sight. And with this overall negligence, our failure to intimately familiarize ourselves with Jesus Christ and heed to Scriptural tenets, has resulted in a lethargic attitude towards all things as they pertain to the King of Kings.

In essence, apathy is rampant within the Kingdom and we seem unfazed by the reality that He is aware of our indifference towards Him. We have become so far removed from the Lordship of Jesus Christ, that our lifestyles, goals and desires have taken precedent to the Savior. His mandates, including the 10 Commandments, are regarded as antiquated rules which are irrelevant in today’s society. We are continuously assured that we are amazing beings created in His image and while that is true, are our actions pleasing in His sight? Our grievous error is the adaptation of the fallacy that the Savior will condone our disregard for Him based on His love for humanity along with His understanding of our frailty. The furtherance of this falsified belief can also be attributed to our spiritual leaders since a number of them are in abject fear that a message of conviction will result in a decrease of membership, revenue and prestige. Moreover, the truth of God’s Word has oftentimes been dwarfed by social justice. Hence, most pulpits are now devoid of Biblical correction and with that, we are lulled into a sense of fraudulent comfort with no compulsion to change.

A number of sanctuaries have substituted varied gadgets, rock bands, and blaring emotion for the presence of the Holy Spirit. The monetary concern in particular has been prioritized and as Judas betrayed the Lord for 30 pieces of silver, clerics have assumed the same mentality as they opted for compromise in exchange for fiscal renumeration.

In 2 Timothy 4:3, St. Paul addressed this issue as he stated “For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching but having itching ears, they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own likings and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander into myths.” With that, the horrific reality is that pastors have used their platforms to promote issues that in actuality are a decimation of Biblical teachings. One such Baptist leader in Georgia, who is also a United States senator, has repeatedly called for abortion access in each of our 50 states since it is his insistence that the Lord is pro-choice on the matter of feticide. Another prominent preacher in that same state, celebrated the presence of a pro abortion gubernatorial and thankfully failed candidate, who had visited his church prior to Election Day in 2022. He referred to her as “Governor” and then told his congregation “so you already know what to do…right? How many of you have already done it?” as he strongly implied that she was to be the chosen nominee.

The Kingdom cannot continue to play the spiritual version of Hide and Seek. We scream the Name of the Lord at the top of our proverbial lungs for all to see on Sunday and then look to cloak ourselves in secrecy from Him for the remainder of the week as we deliberately negate His Word. We follow those of notoriety who claim a peripheral affiliation with God as we eagerly pursue their values as our own. A particular example pertains to our current leadership. Though the president continues to refer to himself as an observant Catholic, one of the atrocities which he and his administration have strived for, is abortion up to and including the point of birth. A significant segment of the Body of Christ, in response, has not recoiled in horror but has instead expressed exuberance over their platform despite the diabolical agenda. Thus, our willingness to minimize the Gospel to the point of blatant disregard, has depicted us as ineffective and unable to reflect the Savior in our daily lives.

There are options available to purify ourselves before Him and as Catholics, we have been blessed with the Sacrament of Reconciliation . Nevertheless our habit is to regard such as a ritual to be utilized primarily to justify our premeditated sin with the erroneous mindset that our slate will be cleansed once again through our weekly endeavor of atonement. While those in other churches emphasize the ability to present themselves directly before the Lord for reparation, without the intermediary of a priest, there is a spurious belief amongst the evangelicals…”once saved always saved”…which in essence negates the mandate for repentance even for prolonged and willful infractions. When matters of transgressions are addressed with them, it is commonplace for the offender to justify their conduct with the immediate proclamation that they are not to be judged since their one-time recitation of the sinners prayer assuaged the need for contrite transformation.

Jesus commanded us in Matthew 16:24 that “whoever wishes to come after Me, must deny himself, take up His cross and follow Me.” With this, it is imperative that we, as the Body of Christ, discard our apathy and instead pursue a renewed commitment with the Savior. The brunt of this responsibility is also on our Christian leaders as they must discard their respective agendas of complacency and address the uncomfortable truth of His Word rather than consistent innocuous messages that placate only the soul. To remain in a spiritual platitude of smugness which is bereft of Godly conviction, can only wreak destruction in this life with dire consequences for the one thereafter.

In the first three decades of life, prior to my surrender to the Lord, the term holly roller, conjured up images of sanctimonious Christians who had a taciturn interpretation in matters which pertained to God. As a Catholic elementary school student from 1958 to 1967, I knew none personally, still they were portrayed in movies as animated beings in their fervency of prayer.

The years progressed and through snippets of information I learned that there were puritanical sects of Protestantism that prohibited certain gratifications of life that partially included smoking, television, movies, dancing, alcohol consumption and card playing. As I sifted through college pamphlets, there was one Christian facility in particular which emphasized the exclusion of those very indulgences. I bypassed it as I knew I would not last for one week let alone an entire semester. My intake of spirits was moderate and the only card game that I had ever indulged in was War which was taught to me by my father during childhood. Still, in those days, as the popular cigarette jingle suggested, I truly would have preferred to fight versus switch from my much beloved Tareyton 100’s. Moreover, I enjoyed dancing as well as entertainment and I saw no viable reason as to why any of these activities should be banished.

Perhaps it was that mindset that kept me from a total commitment to Christ but by the age of 30 I realized that my alternative options were limited. I did not regret the decision in any regard but admittedly the acclimation period hinged on difficult particularly as I seemed to be surrounded by those of an austere mindset within the holiness sect. At their insistence, I was now referred to as Sister Margaret, a born-again Christian. In actuality, I was uncomfortable with that description as I much preferred the reference as a Catholic who worshipped the Savior. Apparently that was not a viable option as Catholicism was regarded by them as heretical. Though daily Mass was part of my repertoire, I was duly apprised that the Church of Rome was spiritually inferior and in order to obey the Savior, it was imperative that I depart from Babylon and seek membership in a Bible-based fellowship. I chaffed and refused though I did visit various nondenominational gatherings.

With profound adjustment, I was able to embrace my renewed existence in Christ as He had redeemed my life in so many facets where sin had previously reigned. My extroverted exuberance, however, became cause for concern amongst the brethren. Indeed the implication was made that I was to adhere to certain restrictions as well as to emulate the characteristics of the Christian women whom I had met…quiet…submissive…docile. Essentially everything was regarded by them as sin and their supplementary list of prohibited items was protracted…pants, sleeveless clothing, makeup, haircuts and jewelry save perhaps for a wedding band and watch. Electrolysis was also frowned upon as I was instructed that the man whom God had selected for me to wed, would love my facial hair. That was so not my persona and I became petrified at the prospect of having to align myself into a role for which I was ill suited. In conversation with a Pentecostal coworker, I mentioned that I was fond of dancing to which she smugly replied “you won’t for long.” Another person informed me how she severely chastised her then nine-year old son for his attempt to imitate the moves of Michael Jackson in the family kitchen.

Clearly I was in an abject state of fear as well as confusion. My desire was to please God and I knew with certainty that some changes were necessary. However the proposed Margaret would have been wholly unrecognizable. To participate in the discussion of current events with these individuals was to nil avail since the perusal of newspapers and popular books was discouraged. Music, other than Gospel, was taboo and that of course included my beloved oldies as well as classical compositions. With rare exception, Catholic hymns were deemed unacceptable. Jehovah’s Witnesses they were not yet some within the nondenominational gatherings frowned upon Christmas festivities as they considered such to be a pagan ritual. Routine dialogue with the saints of Christ was oftentimes a futile endeavor for any given response to my “Hello, how are you?” consisted of the immediate recitation of a Bible verse, or instead words that were seemingly derived from a libretto. Indeed at one point, I had the compelling and perhaps audacious curiosity to query whether the grooms reeled off Scripture in conjugal moments.

Although I wanted to be married, I was neither overly fond or attracted to these men of God. One friend continuously remarked how her husband was a gift from Jesus. In actuality, I was petrified that the Savior would bless me in that manner particularly as her groom seemed allergic to employment and the stank of poverty was rampant in their home. My dismay at the prospect of this type of marriage was further evidenced when, in 1986, I encountered a number of Christian couples at a Fourth of July barbecue. Without exception, the women were dour, plain-featured, and devoid of spontaneity. One such wife, who was wholly sullen in appearance, loudly proclaimed in a speech to all that she was not in need of a companion and had desperately wanted to be left alone in order to distribute Gospel tracts. She then went on to emphasize that she had only wed as her mate was persistent. As I listened, my prevailing thought was “What on earth did he see in her to warrant such a pursuit? Was the forfeiture of joy required to maintain obedience with the Lord”? But, as I was solemnly apprised, these duos represented the depiction of a holy union since love and passion were worldly concepts.

As a means of justification to sever themselves from any trappings of charm, the pious sisters within the pews readily quoted the King James Version of 1 Peter 3:3-5 “Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair and of wearing of gold or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time, the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands.” While I knew the Word of God to be absolute truth, there were other adaptations that were not as stringent. Obviously I realized that the Catholic rendition of the Scriptures was considered heretical amongst that clan and therefore closed to discussion. But why ignore the Amplified Bible that was used in so many nondenominational pulpits? Indeed, the identical chapter and verse specifically stated “Let not yours be the (merely) external adorning with (elaborate) interweaving and knotting of the hair, the wearing of jewelry or changes of clothes; But let it be the inward adorning and beauty of the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, which (is not anxious or wrought up but) is very precious in the sight of God. For it was thus that the pious women of old who hoped in God were (accustomed) to beautify themselves and were submissive to their husbands (adapting themselves to them as themselves secondary and dependent upon them).” That in itself was a succinct indication that Saint Peter did not endeavor to dissuade women from outward beautification but instead stressed that genuine allure should come from within. Moreover, in the Book of Esther specifically Chapter 2, multiple translations clarified that the young maiden was provided with various cosmetic treatments in preparation for her meeting with the king. This chronicle, however, was deliberately dismissed in order to condone the ascetic narrative.

Acceptance of Jesus as our Savior comes with an assurance in 2 Corinthians 5:17 “So whoever is in Christ is a new creation: the old things have passed away; behold new things have come.” Still, maturity in the Lord is not an expeditious process. While I acknowledged that He would have me develop in all matters which pertained to Him, I had also resolved that I was unable to, in any capacity, adapt the exacting female Pentecostal mindset. I had no mistrust regarding the sincerity of their faith, and undoubtedly I was assuaged by their Biblical knowledge, but their decrees left me distinctly ill at ease. I became cognizant that God’s mandate for holiness was to be displayed by the manner in which I lived my life as well as adherence to His Word ”Be holy as I am holy (1 Peter 1:16). I also embraced the fact that surrender to the Lord did not require the abandonment of one’s true nature and that the individual traits which He bestowed upon us, were to be used for His glory. Indeed Psalm 139:13 is concise “You formed my inmost being; You knit me in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am wonderfully made; wonderful are Your works! My very self You know.” Given that He created my exuberant, extroverted manner, would it not be an affront to Him if I were to strive for conformity to characteristics other than my own? To reject the puritanical injunctions was not a decision to revert to sin but rather a resolution to grasp onto the attributes which constituted Margaret that had been established by the Savior to honor Him.

The phrase “God is good” is parroted by many who identify as followers of Christ. That He is without question, yet oftentimes I’ve wanted to query “Do you truly know Him??”

In late March of this year, a Facebook conversation ensued amongst myself and two members of the praise and worship team…sisters actually…at my husband’s non-denominational church. Essentially I questioned as to how they could sing glory unto the Savior and yet embrace politicians who espouse a decidedly ungodly agenda. I then referenced Matthew 7:21 in which Jesus specifically stated that not everyone who says “Lord, Lord” will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. I was immediately unfriended and blocked by both which I regard as an honor, but when I mulled about the hypocrisy the following day, God spoke clearly as He said “They know not of Who they sing.”

Unfortunately, the lack of true familiarity with the Lord is a commonplace phenomenon within the Body of Christ and as Jesus perfectly stated in Matthew15:8 “these people worship Me with their lips but their hearts are far from Me.” In the churches of today…Catholic and otherwise…you have a host of individuals…many of whom are in leadership positions…who simply put, do not know Him. Instead, they have sought to content themselves with religious cliches and traditions versus Biblical truth. Godliness and holiness should be pursued yet sadly neither one is prioritized. Members of the clergy…pastors, priests as well as televangelists…have largely desisted from the discussion of sin as to do so would possibly cause indignation and thus have a negative impact on monetary offerings. Instead, the pulpits are replete with messages that satisfy the flesh and thus leave the spirit malnourished. St. Paul the Apostle warned about this travesty in 2 Timothy 4:3-4 when he stated “For the time is coming when people will not put up with sound doctrine but having itching ears, they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own desires and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander away to myths.”

You joyfully participate in “name it and claim it” but your wants have exceeded your desire for Jesus. You recite multiple scriptures, but do you know the meaning of that which you speak? You take pride that you are a daily Communicant with routine observance at every conceivable adoration in your parish yet you know nothing of the Risen Savior. You attend non-denominational fellowships and esteem yourself that you are better than Catholics since after all, your service focuses on the Bible…still, are you truly familiar with the Author? And you who pastor and preach…are you committed to convey the truth of His Word or have you chosen to utilize your assembly as a motivational center in the hope that you can satisfy the multitude? You engage a plethora of artists to entertain the masses as you ignore the reality that talent and His anointing are not synonymous. Have you deliberately aligned yourself with the world to please the world in the feeble hope that the Lord will understand? If a person comes to you in crisis, has your decision to compromise depleted you of Godly counsel whereas your contribution consists instead of baseless banalities?

In the 1980’s, there was a momentarily popular female televangelist who emphasized the tenets of the New Age Movement as she encouraged her followers to seek prosperity, power and abundance. She spoke of Jesus yet disclaimed the reality of sin and stressed that there was no need for repentance. Although her tenure of acclaim was short-lived, her refusal to acknowledge iniquity was adapted by others including the pastor of a mega-church in Texas. This individual…a New York Times bestselling author…has stated on record that he is unable to address offense as he will not disparage any individual. With the exception of a brief allude to the Bible at the beginning of his service, the scriptures are not referenced in the message that follows. Recently I watched a clip of the opening prayer on YouTube only to hear the staff member conclude with “and we pray in the name of all that is holy.” But what did she consider holy? She described Jesus as one with no vengeance in His heart. However, if He was not prefaced as the Sovereign Lord, then conceivably speaking, those present could have deemed anything of their choice as holy…the floor, the sky or perhaps their very articles of clothing. Have we become so pro-inclusion that we would deliberately omit mention of the Savior in an effort not to offend?

Similarly, there is a renowned individual…a billionaire entrepreneur…who for 25 years hosted a successful talk show on ABC and is now on cable. Although she has described herself as a Christian, she is a prominent advocate for New Age and has repeatedly extolled both their written materials and beliefs. She has also oftentimes stated that Jesus is not the only way to the Father. And still, irregardless of the blasphemy, those in the church reverence her. Prominent pastors are amongst the featured guests on her Sunday program that allegedly focuses on spirituality. Their philosophical messages have nil conviction and to them I would ask…”Are you so anxious to be featured with a celebrity…one who has profaned the Gospel…that you would forfeit His truth? Have you ignored James 4:4 which warns that “…friendship with the world is enmity with God?….”

To say that the Body of Christ remains in crisis mode is an understatement at best. We sing acclimation to Jesus at Mass and in certain non-denominational fellowships, we are invited to express ourselves as the Holy Spirit may lead. I have witnessed congregants at those particular assemblies, bolt from their seats and run around the sanctuary multiple times as they scream the Name of Jesus at the top of their lungs. However in conversation as well as on social media, these same individuals negate the sanctity of life and the Lord’s righteousness. And while their pages, phrases and messages will include various memes with the words “Trust God”, they express glee over the platform of politicians as well as celebrities who are devoted to the decimation of that which His Word holds sacred. In fact, one particular churchgoer informed me, in an utmost serious manner, that she prayed for the assassination of President Trump. Yet every Sunday she would announce to all on Facebook that she was en route to service to get her “praise on.” Indeed they are minacious empty vessels and their depth of Christianity has the profundity of lines contained in a religious greeting card.

We expect God to work in our lives yet we have ceded His presence null and void as we render ourselves content with counterfeit Christianity. 2 Timothy 3 has clearly described it as “holding to the outward form of godliness but denying its power.“ To continue in this unrepentant manner, with a spurious allegiance to the Lord, carries the risk that we will hear the dreaded words from Matthew 7:23 spoken to us on our last day “Get away from Me… I never knew you.”

During the confirmation hearings for Justice Brett Kavanaugh, I perused through my Facebook newsfeed and was grieved to notice that a worship leader at my husband’s non-denominational church…one who deliberately inputs the theatrical in public expressions of praise…had cheered on a leftist New Jersey senator in his dramatic rantings. There was no support in any regard for the prolife jurist despite the fabricated narrative presented by his accuser.

As I viewed the worship leader’s unabashed cheers for this politician, I mused as to how during the 2016 presidential campaign, Hillary Clinton’s platform focused on the continuation of abortion particularly at late term. In fact, in 2015, she emphasized that Christians would have to change their belief system to accommodate this abomination under the guise of what she referred to as reproductive health care.

Abortion is not, as many would prefer to rationalize, the mere decimation of cells, but rather the slaughter and dismemberment of the defenseless unborn. Revelation 21:8 succinctly states “…as for cowards, the unfaithful, the depraved, murderers, the unchaste, sorcerers, idol-worshippers, and deceivers of every sort, their lot is in the burning pool of fire and sulphur which is the second death.” Clearly the Lord is not secretive about the eternal fate of those who kill. Yet much of the church did not recoil in horror nor point to this scripture and others that would abhor this barbaric act, but instead supported Mrs. Clinton with fervency. The scenario was repeated two years later when the Governor of New York, in his bid for re-election, promised that access to late term abortion, up to the point of birth, would be signed into law. There was minimal outcry from the alleged faithful when this occurred on January 22, 2019.

The plague of hypocrisy continues to rage within the pews. God, in His infinite mercy, blessed us with a president who has voiced his support for the sanctity of life. And yet, I continue to witness religious leaders in all capacities…Catholic, Protestant, and non-denominational…belittle his efforts as they joyfully endorse and affiliate themselves with individuals who by their very policies, despise the tenets of our faith. Who can forget the blatant duplicity of Archbishop Gregory as he disparaged President Trump for his visit to the Saint John II Shrine yet was aglow in the presence of a prominent, pro-abortion politician who delivered a eulogy from the pulpit at St. Matthew’s Cathedral?

Have we not been convicted by God for our attitude of false piety? How can we call ourselves Catholic….how can we refer to ourselves as Christian…how can we worship the Lord…and yet continue to support those who espouse societal atrocities that contradict His Word? We want to be relevant and in doing so, we have negated that which the Lord holds true. Indeed we have prioritized social justice over virtue which in effect has rendered the Bible null and void in our daily lives. We have deliberately neglected to address holiness for we are afraid of offense as well as loss of prestige.

That God will judge the unrepentant is indisputable. In Genesis 6, Noah, a righteous man, found favor with the Lord who informed him of his intent to destroy humanity because of lawlessness. Subsequently, in 2 Chronicles 7:14, the Lord promised “if My people who are called by My Name, humble themselves, seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from Heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.” With this, it is vital that we heed His warning and submit ourselves to the Savior for we have learned that failure to do so does in fact bear devastating consequences.

I will always thank God for His gift of life, and with it, the capacity to change. His Word succinctly states in 2 Corinthians 5:17 that “If any person be in Christ, they are a new creation. Old things have passed away, behold all things shall become new.” That verse has applied to my life in every extent, nevertheless there are times that I grieve in my recollection as to what and who I was prior to my commitment to the Lord. When I do dwell on that person, I shake my head in dismay at her recklessness, her unmasked cruelty towards others, and her fervent willingness to embrace promiscuity as an endeavor to obtain love.

My devotion to the Lord was actually fostered in childhood and as a Catholic grammar school student, it became commonplace for me to attend daily Mass. To be in His presence and to pray was an absolute joy. However as many individuals tend to do, I saddled away from God and into a lifestyle that can only be described as profane. Of course I didn’t view it as such and sadly I continued to pursue depravity particularly after I left home to share a Manhattan apartment with two roommates. And yet through it all, I oftentimes found myself at Sunday Mass. Clearly it was not for repentance of my ways since I was of the deluded mindset that my actions were of necessity in my quest for a husband. The circles in which I engaged…indeed the men that I knew…would have laughed at me outright had I suggested abstinence from sexual involvement until marriage. God understood that…did He not?

By early 1979, I was in grad school and employed at the Manhattan DA’s Office. The parade of suitors continued and I had just ended an affair with a man…an old friend actually…who had returned to his wife but nevertheless wanted to continue our relationship. I thought it could work and the plan was that if his spouse was home when I called, he would simply reply that I had reached the wrong number. In theory it sounded plausible but I was cut to the core when it ultimately occurred. Soon thereafter I was besotted with Frank, my latest interest who, though separated, was still in anguish over his marital estrangement. Chris, my coworker, sensed my despair over yet another futile situation and repeatedly urged me to visit his Catholic Renewal prayer group. I finally agreed to go and off I trudged with him one Wednesday evening…June 6, 1979…to Fordham University in the Bronx. Upon our arrival, he introduced me to his friend Evelyn, along with others, at which point we made our way inside. I enjoyed the service and when Confession was offered, I momentarily pondered…should I? I did and after I spoke to Father Bert, I definitely sensed that a burden had been lifted. I purposed then and there that I would live my life for God. My resolve lasted until Saturday evening when Frank, my love, made a surprise appearance at my job and headed home with me. Two months later, little had changed in our relationship. I had made plans to attend Fordham’s Charismatic Mass with Chris and Evelyn on Sunday, August 19th, but instead Frank had stayed over. As I started to awaken, with Frank still asleep, I had a dream…or was it a vision?…of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Her direct expression was one of anger and I instinctively realized that my lifestyle had provoked her displeasure. I frantically implored “What is it?” followed by the words “You’re angry about Frank…I’ll give him up.” Her immediate response was to gaze at me with a beatific smile before she disappeared.

Frank left almost upon the moment that he arose and I was sorry…completely so…that I had not made the effort to go up to the Bronx and meet with Chris and Evelyn. Instead, I spent the day in abject despair. Frank did not call and it was impossible to ignore the fact that our bond was limited to our sexual encounters. And once again I was forced to ask myself…was this truly how I wanted to live my life?

Mercifully the summer ended as did my relationship with Frank…somewhat. He continued to make sporadic appearances and on one particular night, our intimacy resumed. The following morning we went to breakfast at a local diner and again I was despondent as I knew that our rendezvous meant nothing to him other than his self-gratification. By that point it was April 1980 and graduation was a month away. I had also decided to return to my parents house. Perhaps it wasn’t the wisest decision but I wearied of the life of a single woman in Manhattan with its mandated activities…buying the Sunday Times, involvement in various cultural and/or social events…anything to land a man and inevitably always alone.

Despite my return home, old habits tend to die hard and it did not take long for me to become involved with a much older man whom I had met at work. Ed, divorced and the father of three, made it quite succinct that he merely wanted a companion and not a wife. That was fine as I had never considered him in any role other than a temporary dalliance.

Things remained status quo until late September when the Lord used Chris once again to intervene. He called me on the evening of the 25th…was I free that weekend? A spot had opened up at the Charismatic Renewal retreat that was to be held from the following evening to Sunday afternoon. He thought I would enjoy it particularly as Evelyn was scheduled to attend as well as his girlfriend Gerri. I had no alternate plans, therefore my attitude was “okay…” And so with that, I packed a bag as I would head to Jamaica Estates directly from work.

The retreat in itself was amazing and I resolved that my life would align with His. Moreover, by Sunday morning, a conviction had settled within my spirit and I promised the Lord that I would refrain from all sexual activity until I was married. To Ed’s profound disappointment, I refused to renege on that vow and the relationship concluded. Soon thereafter I was invited to become a Eucharistic Minister and eventually I became involved in a myriad of parish activities. My fervent prayer was for a husband but in the meantime, life went on. By the fall of 1981, I had departed the DA’s Office for a position with the Department of Probation and with that, I was happy.

Of course being Margaret, a crisis ensued one year later which in essence could have been avoided. A visiting priest, whom I’ll refer to as Father Alejandro, was assigned to the parish and foolishly…stupidly…my heart opened up to him. A strong mutual attraction developed and a degree of physical contact was exchanged after which I was reprimanded by the good Father. I was devastated, still besotted and ultimately relieved when he returned to his native Peru a few weeks before Christmas. A permanent separation however was not in order since the duplicitous Alejandro gave me his address and encouraged me to write which indeed I did.

As the spring of 1983 approached, I was soon to become involved with John, a married but separated co-courthouse employee. I also remained desperately in love with Alejandro. Dawnne, my colleague and then best friend, had embarked on an adventure of her own with a former neighbor and therefore encouraged me in my South American pursuit. Upon her recommendation, I purchased The Thornbirds, a novel which focused on a decades-long love affair between an ambitious priest and a woman who bore his son. Within that period, the mini series based on the book, had premiered on ABC. Bolstered by Dawnne’s support, I was convinced that my cleric would eventually do the right thing particularly as his letters were constant and endearing. Nevertheless, Dawnne and I were desperate to peer into our respective futures. It was at her suggestion that we went to a psychic in midtown Manhattan that Saturday of Memorial Day weekend. Neither one of us had any concept of Deuteronomy 18:10-13 which states clearly “Let there not be found among you anyone who causes their son or daughter to pass through the fire or practices divination or is a soothsayer, augur or sorcerer, or one who casts spells, consults ghosts and spirits or seeks oracles from the dead. Anyone who does these things is an abomination to the Lord and because of such abominations the Lord your God is dispossessing them before you.” Devoid of knowledge re this aversion to the Lord, I entered the premises with hopeful anticipation and no sense of caution. I was soon paired with Miss Marguerite, whom, once she had cut the tarot cards, declared in part that I was in love with a man who had another commitment. Furthermore, according to Miss Marguerite, a relationship with a light-eyed gentleman awaited me. That, most definitely, was not John, who had taken me to lunch for my 30th birthday days earlier.

Dawnne’s dalliance became serious to the point whereas she made plans to desert her live-in companion and relocate to Cincinnati in order that she and Archie could wed. I left work early that Friday afternoon of July 15th to lend my assistance and found the apartment to be chaotic with things tossed about haphazardly. As I helped her pack, I once again listened to the monologue as to why I too should consider a move. Her coaxing was partially fueled by the fact that she detested John…for unknown reasons…and emphasized that a romance between two Gemini’s could never work. Moreover, she was anxious for me to meet Archie’s colleague, Manny, whom she thought had the light eyes foretold by the psychic. Late that night her friend arrived to drive both Dawnne and her belongings to Ohio. I said goodbye and promised that I would visit her in two months time once I returned from a planned trip to Spain.

Despite her status as my confidant, I was not bothered by Dawnne’s departure and I realize now that the process of separation was evidence of God at work in my life. On Monday morning, John, who somehow had sensed Dawnne’s exodus from New York, asked me to lunch and subsequently other dates followed. Summer became fall and days after I arrived home from Madrid, I boarded a plane to Cincinnati. Manny was at the airport along with Dawnne and Archie. The four of us spoke and minutes later, I had a date for the evening. We went to a club but there was no compatibility nor did Manny have the predicted light eyes. I remained in Cincinnati until mid-week and despite Dawnne’s disappointment, I was anxious to return home to New York.

Back then, had you had queried about my life, I would have rendered a description of deliriously happy. I was a daily Communicant who was quite active in my parish. I had also been promoted to probation officer and my involvement with John had increased in intensity. We ultimately reached a certain level and initially I was plagued with guilt. As I remained Biblically illiterate, I was unfamiliar with the multiple scriptures that abhor both fornication and adultery. Still I remembered my promise made at the retreat. I knew that to consider John as a potential husband was an impossibility since he had repeatedly remarked that he had no plans to divorce his estranged wife nor remarry. In distress, I sought out the advice of a friend, another parishioner, who assured me that God would not be angry as long as the intimacy was limited to one man. Did not the Lord state in Matthew 15:14 that if a blind person leads a blind person, both will fall into the pit? Nevertheless her counsel sounded reasonable and off to the races went I.

Throughout it all, Alejandro and I continued to maintain contact. I called him that first Saturday evening in December and during the conversation, what I considered to a miracle ensued, when he invited me to Peru. I was overjoyed, immediately made my reservations, and the wait for my departure on February 9th seemed endless. In the interim, I reached out to another psychic, Miss Margot, whom I had patronized twice in 1980 and I was exhilarated when she gaily declared over the cards “My dear, you are going to get married and it is going to be as a result of this trip.”

The beginning of 1984 brought a somewhat unwelcome change. John and I had gone away for the weekend immediately after the New Year, and when I returned home late Sunday afternoon, I knew with certainty that our relationship was over. I consoled myself that it mattered little since within one month, I would be with my beloved Alejandro once again. I was convinced that he was prepared to leave his Order and marry me for why else would he have suggested that I visit? However within hours of my arrival, the joy I had turned to despair as I was forced to acknowledge the reality of his intent. Nothing changed for the duration of the next 16 days and my grievous return home was accompanied by the bitter realization that each one of my fantasies had been irretrievably broken.

Though outwardly all seemed normal, I found it difficult to function over the next few weeks. My intake of food was minimal and sleep was impossible for I was besieged by dreams of Alejandro whenever my eyes would close. And it was during that period, through the magnificence of Jesus, that my coworker Carolyn reached out to me. She had arrived at Probation a few months beforehand and with the exception of pleasantries, no other words of substance were exchanged. Nevertheless Carolyn knew something was off with my robotic demeanor and it was then that she began to speak me about God. I was intrigued since the manner in which she described the Lord was a depiction of one who had a personal intimacy with Him that I had yet to experience. Still, not long thereafter, I made a return trip to Miss Margot who assured me that in a matter of time, Alejandro and I would be wed. I excitedly mentioned this to Carolyn the next morning whom, after a moment of silence, began to share the danger of psychics and astrology. Essentially what she stated, and what I know now to be true, was that both were governed by the demonic while prophets who were called of God, operated under the unction of the Holy Spirit without need of instruments such as cards or tea leaves. In response to my declaration that both Misses Marguerite and Margot provided some accurate details which I most certainly had not discussed with them beforehand, Carolyn replied that a tactic of Satan was to render a segment of the truth in an effort to enslave an individual. From that moment on, I heeded her advice and never again did I read my horoscope, identify myself by an astrological sign, or visit another psychic. And though I periodically heard from Dawnne, who by then had married Archie, I no longer confided in her as I yearned for Godly counsel which she was unable to provide.

My desolation did not immediately ease but as I continued to seek guidance from Carolyn, I was able to grasp the fact that the Lord had an amazing plan for my life…infinitely better than my own…if only I would trust Him to bring it to pass. That in itself was imperative for without a full surrender to the Savior, my existence would continue as it had previously with failed relationships and futile endeavors. I was soon to be 31 and knew without hesitancy that He had placed Carolyn in my path for that particular season. And so I said yes to God.

Although I had repented of my sins during the process of surrender, transformation is difficult at best. Still I was more than aware that changes had to be made. Months earlier, to prepare myself for John, I had opted to go on the birth control pill which I continued to take following my return from Peru. Suddenly one morning, while at my desk in late March 1984, I had a personal epiphany in that I questioned myself as to why I would even bother with the pill. I was now more than cognizant that premarital intimacy ran counter to God and once again I purposed to abstain from it all while I remained single. With that, I grabbed the packet of pills from my purse and rushed to the ladies room where I popped each and every one from their foil enclosure into the garbage.

There were many factors that I admired about Carolyn, one of which was her candor when she discussed her past. Too often, when individuals endeavor to lead others to Christ, they sanitize their lives whereas the person to whom they speak is of the belief that their own mistakes have rendered them too far gone for God’s forgiveness. One person actually told me that she had never done anything wrong prior to her walk with the Lord. For an individual such as myself who had struggled in multiple areas of sin, that was indeed disastrous counsel. Still I persevered in my commitment to the Savior despite the innumerable mistakes that I made along the way.

I did not intend to leave my parish even though I was repeatedly told that Catholics were essentially ignorant of Godly understanding while those who attended Bible-based assemblies exuded knowledge. I can state with certainty that there is little veracity to that fallacious claim. Still, I wanted His truth and therefore at the suggestion of friends, I visited those particular churches during which period, the “name it and claim it” move was in full motion. All that I was required to do was to choose anything that I wanted…literally anything…and God of course would be obligated to bring it to pass. And while Psalm 37:4 clearly states “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart”, it appeared that the crescendo of wants echoed by the masses became prioritized and in fact superseded any true intimacy with God.

Ultimately I left Catholicism and during my 16 year absence…1995 to 2011…I attended non-denominational fellowships on an exclusive basis. I learned much about the Word of God for which I am indeed grateful. However it was impossible to ignore the fact that a number of self-identified Christians within the pews had so little passion for Christ and seemed to be devoid of most things as they pertained to the Savior. Moreover, the unwillingness to address sin from certain pulpits became obvious and with that, God’s mandate for holiness decreased by a number of prongs. It’s grievous to note that this has continued to present day. Many pastors, as well as certain televangelists, have obviously taken the stance that to present Biblical truth would lead to offense and thus have a debilitating impact on monetary offerings. However in Romans 6:1-2 Saint Paul stated “What then are we to say? Should we continue in sin in order that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin go on living in it?” And yet we have ignored Paul’s warning and instead embraced the concept of hyper grace whereas every transgression is immediately pardoned without need of repentance. Had Carolyn not called me out on sexual immorality and my involvement in the occult, I would have remained under the delusion that my actions were pleasing to God when in fact they were reprehensible.

Many changes have transpired since 1984, but one vital truth is that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever. I sought Him, pursued Him, delighted in Him, and in November 2001, at the age of 48, He blessed me with my husband. God, in His infinite wisdom, oftentimes does not show us every upcoming detail of our lives as He would require that we follow Him in faith. When I disposed of my birth control pills in March 1984, and resolved to abstain from sex until marriage, I did not understand that my wait for a spouse would exceed 17 years. If I had known that, with my then state of mind, I may have resisted with “…just one more encounter Lord…” Realistically speaking, my interlude was lengthy because I existed in a state of romantic fantasy which left me unprepared to be a wife. Moreover, my character was in dire need of adjustment. However one thing is certain…He is not a respecter of persons. He transformed my existence…literally…and what He did for me, He will do for anyone who makes the decision to align their life with His.

I’ve shared in prior posts that despite a barrage of negative comments, from Christians and non-Christians alike, my prayer and hearts desire was for God to bless me with a husband. I eventually learned that the decision to trust our Savior for that which we ask for must be accompanied by a willingness to allow Him full access into our lives in order that His plans and may be established. In Psalm 37:23, we are assured that “Our steps are made firm by the Lord when He delights in our way.”